The Corona Borealis.

Not an easy thing to do. And I found myself walking past his house three times, stopping, staring up at the sky, asking myself - is this right? It was hard to do. Tears in my eyes, and the bitter, cold wind. But in the end, just returning to my car would be keeping everything the same - I'd have thought less of myself, to respect myself I have to take action - there seemed no other way. It is the 3rd of January, and I have just returned from walking the dark passageway up to his front door and posting my final broken sound recorder through the letter box, silently - I didn't let it fall.  I really didn't want him to hear me... The envelope was sealed - and I wrote on the back of it: I give you back your words because I do not wish to remember. Inside the envelope, the voice recorder containing three sound files, transcripts - the blog posts - and a hastily written DOC file: 3rd January 2025. After you called me a minx - see end of this document. I decided it was important f...

13th February 2024. I believe that what happened to me is too important to be ignored.  I also believe that technically speaking, this subject is too personal, and it should be confidential - and absolutely not put in a blog!  But this feeling of embarrassment, this feeling of  I shouldn't say it, is full of shame and guilt actually, but ultimately I have to ask myself, is my sense of shame and guilt, my silence doing any good?  Silence contributes to maintaining the problem - silence prevents things changing, silence - my silence - cuts off any possibility of learning how to make improvements.  Clearly I think that this information should be in the public domain, as much information as possible actually.  I wrote to Kit to open up dialogue. Recent emails. 13th February 2024. If there is emotion, something matters. I trust in the beauty and dignity in expressing need, and I see an innate value in communication. Making a request is about finding a way to me...

3rd February 2024. I would never have believed how difficult it is to write a request to see my therapy notes, if I hadn't tried.  And failed. I just can't find the words. It should be done - it makes sense for me to do this. What gets in the way of just asking, is the second guessing, and the rich cocktail of emotions I'm almost knocked out by; a mixture of sadness, anger and futility. OK, I know it, I know what I'm doing, I'm second guessing how he will feel to read the request, and I don't want to be the catalyst that opens up those feelings. And sure, I'm second guessing that his reply - if he replies - will be to ask me why? I do not wish to answer that question.  Not because I have any need for secrecy, or feel that he shouldn't know why. But simply because it is over stepping the mark. He isn't my therapist, I'm not asking for therapy. I just want to get a 360 degree crash report.  So, if this were me, and a client asked me for my notes a...