Sending the words back!

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Late last night I caught a video of him teaching. I could only watch for a few minuites before the ache in my heart made me shut my eyes in pain, powerless to stop my tears.

I switched the computer off.

Tried to walk away from the cascade of feelings and thoughts.

And woke today, back in Muxia, on the Costa da Morte.

The desire is the same, to just go there - as quiet as a hare, to curl up by his door, to hope that the cold stills my heart as a I sleep beyond waking...

Contrary to what he said about suicidal thoughts, I don't use such thinking to make my days bearable, I don't need to look at my end to feel alive. It is simple, I don't want to die, but nor do I want to live with this pain. I just want it to stop!

Muxia is the red warning light on the dashboard, it indicates that something is very, very wrong.

The image of myself, dead outside his front door hidden from the street by the darkness of the stone passageway shows me how I truly feel. I was shut out once 'therapy' was over. And the things that he said in sessions that were wounding, feel like fish-hooks under my skin. As if I'm trapped forever just there, in that cold, dim and wind blown passageway outside his front door - unable to enter, unable to leave.

Each barb hooks me, keeps me, traps me there.

Here, now at the computer, where the hooks are only metaphor, I have choices over how to use the information from The 3lack 3ox. And I need to find a balancing point, seeking a way to justify to myself the effect of The 3lack 3ox. It will disrupting his equilibrium, this will affect how he is with his clients. Yet I felt suicidal after the final session.

The 3lack 3ox is full of recordings.

And the content is being released into the public domain.

GDPR laws mean that the original transcripts containing Kit’s words are lined up and scheduled to publish in 2065.

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