The Corona Borealis.

Not an easy thing to do. And I found myself walking past his house three times, stopping, staring up at the sky, asking myself - is this right? It was hard to do. Tears in my eyes, and the bitter, cold wind. But in the end, just returning to my car would be keeping everything the same - I'd have thought less of myself, to respect myself I have to take action - there seemed no other way. It is the 3rd of January, and I have just returned from walking the dark passageway up to his front door and posting my final broken sound recorder through the letter box, silently - I didn't let it fall.  I really didn't want him to hear me... The envelope was sealed - and I wrote on the back of it: I give you back your words because I do not wish to remember. Inside the envelope, the voice recorder containing three sound files, transcripts - the blog posts - and a hastily written DOC file: 3rd January 2025. After you called me a minx - see end of this document. I decided it was important f...

Well I wonder what it's going to be Progressive, regressive,  "I'm flattered" ? I'm sitting in the car watching people go by Listening to Nadja. Time to go... Luminous Rot by Nadja 3rd January 2022. His 'Hello, come in' sounds exactly the same as normal. No 'chit chat'...The sound of the spoon, of cups, things. Lots of stirring. Spoon sounds in cups sounds... I'm talking about it being cold...He says the heating is on.  And so it begins. He - "So when you gave me your card, and you left me saying something like - and looking very bashful -  and saying something like. 'I can't believe I'm giving you this'. Because it was nearly Christmas I thought, oh this is a Christmas card and there is something in it - I thought oh, it's a chocolate bar - so when I read the card...oh, this isn't Christmas at all. So then I thought, well if I listen to it before Christmas- not knowing what was in it - then I thought, ...

20th July 2021. So, here it is.  The day after.  I'm never going to forget it, seeing you. You were looking up the road, looking for me.  Waving.  I waved back my most graceful wave and slowly raised a hand to shield my eyes from the powerful sun that was fizzling my world into glitter.  That walk. Oh I was slow, considered, graceful, I am beautiful - I try to believe that.  Feel, it. Know it... Trust. It took me hours to reach you. Slomo. Closer . Then I followed you, simply not seeing.  Totally gone.  I wasn't there.  Really!   I went to sit in the wrong place, therapists always sit closest to the door.  But there are two doors? And so I shifted as you said, 'sit anywhere' but I felt you move to the seat closest to the other door - my wordless interpretation is so fast! Outside of here - the hottest day.  Inside - here - your room.  Wooden floor.  We are cool inside an old house.  You asked me if I wanted ...