The 3lack 3ox.

Ah me, he asks, as always - if it is light enough?  Does he ask this of everyone, or me alone. And then, he is asking me about an email I sent, requesting that we change to day of sessions to a Friday. He asks, 'what was that about'? I sometimes think it takes all the years I've been a trainee to get past questions like this without mischievously giving a spurious reply!  I have no hidden agenda. The truth is very boring and related to work schedules  His reply is emotional, well - more emotion than I'd expect. Except all he says is, 'OK, so that's sorted' Did he hope that if I needed to change my day, he would be able to say that he's fully booked?  This is my sad and discouraging interpretation. Or perhaps he feels relief that I'm not going? I hold onto that last thought, 98% certain it isn't true. He asks me where I want to go today... Me -  "Well, we could do part 2 because I'm not sure where the plane is going" Untrue - I know...

He remarks upon my layers - I've put on too many clothes! I say -  " Let there be light"! I'm so used to our opening conversation always being about the dimness of his room! He asks me, am I not too warm? And I say -  "Well, I know that intellectually" And this remark causes great hilarity. He says ' You don't know it physically? ( I laugh)  You do know it physically but it doesn't matter! More laughter... He asks me what sort of conversation we are going to get today? Me -  "The airplane - I sort of needed to put it together. It sort of came to me in the early hours of the morning - in that time when things get put together - so I just thought I'd write. To put together the airplane  that keeps crashing. It's crashed how many times now? The first challenge was cannibalism  (This refers to the times he has used an airplane as a metaphor during our conversations) He -  "Oh that airplane" Me -  "So this is a mixture, ...

December 2024. When I began processing my therapy sessions last year (2023) my aim was to understand how my feelings for Kit came about, and  why it ended so badly.  And the end really was bad. I don't honestly know how I had the strength to walk out of his room, I felt so defeated, so crushed. To understand and answer these questions I re-entered the dialogues, my thoughts and feelings, and over the year 2023, I documented the therapy sessions 2021-2022. Most of them, not all. Some are too boring, or I accidently missed one out.  The will be published on this blog in 2065. The fascinating thing is, that as I went through the dialogues I became aware of feeling so defeated, so crushed, by something unknown, unseen! In this case, X is the something, underlying Kit's entrenched beliefs. I can see the effect of X in the dialogues, in the way that it is as if Kit was unable to hear or consider the validity of my theories, and X - if found - it will help explain why his ...

And so I find myself marooned - to stay with the plane crash metaphor - I've just watched Society of the Snow . And as in the film, as in the awful reality of those real events, action must be taken. There will be no rescue otherwise, no getting out.  So what action do I want to happen? In counselling, and between counsellors, what counts as resolution is usually an apology of about a thousand words. Those words need to convey to the injured other, a real understanding of the harm done, and a heartfelt regret. And how I manage to convey to Kit that this demonstration of awareness is appropriate and needed. How to do this? I don't know.  Yet. Do I make a formal complaint? The first option is to get in contact with the therapist and explain that there is a problem, and ask for some kind of resolution to be worked out. If that isn't forthcoming, if the therapist doesn't acknowledge that there has been and still is a problem, then a complaint is justified. A therapist who ...