Ah me, he asks, as always - if it is light enough?
Does he ask this of everyone, or me alone.
He -"You sent me an email - whenever it was! - Between whenever last week about changing to a Friday. What was behind that"?
I sometimes think it takes all the years I've been a trainee to get past questions like this without mischievously giving a spurious reply!
I have no hidden agenda.
The truth is very boring and related to work schedules
He - "OK, so it is sorted, one way or another, OK"
There is a lot of emotion here! His emotion - in his voice. There is a something behind it? Did he hope that if I needed to change my day, he would be able to say that he's fully booked? This is my sad and discouraging interpretation. Or perhaps he feels relief that I'm not going? I hold onto that last thought, 98% certain it isn't true.
He -"So, where do you want to go today"?
Me - "Well, we could do part 2 because I'm not sure where the plane is going"
Untrue - I know it will crash but I have to try...
He - "Oh, part 2 of that! There is more!"
Me - "God yes, because I don't know what I'm doing or why. Well, I think I know why - it is a release - and it was totally joyful to realize I had some time to write! I have two week longer than I'd thought to finish my next assignment!
I'm done with being open.
Time to be cryptic.
Airplane.
Part 2.
Above the clouds, and they are impossible too, I'm holding the letter and the key...
Well gentle reader, there was a lot more. But it was for him. It was a style of writing that became a part of coping. It appears to be full of riddles, but each part is full of powerful dreams, memories and reflections describing where I am. It is a hyperreal vision-board.
My assessment...I may as well be on a plane; this room is disconnected from Earth. And we are going to crash, and I am going to be crucified by the pain of our ending. I would like him to agree that we have a duty to prevent crashing and crucifixions. He wont, he can't.
So this is how it is.
I am of course slightly mad. The preceding three years and the impossibility of my task. Nevertheless, I continue, we meet in this place of Ancient references and lost thought....
The conversation that followed encompassed the 12 Gates, the Bardo. the death of Bruno, and possibly Arianism. It touched briefly on the possibility of human sacrifice at Woodhenge, the import of grain, goats and myth from the Middle East circa 4000 BC. Skull shape and what did Jung and Freud actually say...That part was perfect!
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