The 3lack 3ox.

The joy of postmodern therapy, for both clients and therapists is in how a postmodern approach gives value to inspiration, creativity and the imagination. For we seek to recast the future and the past in ways that enable, and no longer disable. For us, the concept of mental illness as a loss of contact with reality , begs the question - whose reality? And that question has to be asked, because it places power at the core of diagnosis. If reality is to a large extent constructed, and if people arrive with different versions of reality, and if someone imposes their version of reality over the other person's...things like this really bother postmodern therapists. Because we are of course, seeking to enable our clients to transform their view of reality.  One of my core tasks is to help my clients reclaim power, to reconstruct their identity, and to become aware of other possibilities - their power to make changes. To do this I need to merrily sidestep the knee jerk conclusions based...

I work with people who are, more often than not, experiencing or processing coercion and terror caused by others. And I do this because actually, this underlies most of why people arrive for therapy! But therapy didn't used to be about this or even for this, once upon a time people believed that there were deep and dark secrets in how they really processed information. As if there is something about them that is wrong - and this repagaged original sin Idea remains to solidify concepts such as 'personality disorder', and citing developmental issues as the reason for things going wrong. This  original sin view , is closer to the concept of obscuration in Buddhism; leading to a feeling that we need purification , to enable us to see clearly. Somehow the real randomness of this world has gone missing from reality. The truth is, psychological agony can be a random misfortune, and it can be because of someone else's actions. And it is impossible that you will always be in t...

 A quick recap: The person using denial will create an altered reality.  It will be an interlocking web of denial statements and narratives.  They will import reasonable arguments to support their unreason.  They will use deception. They will re-frame using kindly terms for cruel words or actions.  And they will tell you again and again how nice and reasonable they are being... My advice - to myself - go re-read Marshall Rosenburg's book: Non-Violent Communication and remember, judgments of others point to one's own un-met needs.  So, take into account what is going on inside you. But don't do this to dismiss your intuition, gut feelings or fear. Problem.   So, imagine that you are in a situation that isn't OK.  Antidote . Make notes. Make recordings. The purpose of notes and recordings is to raise your awareness. Incidentally, what is it that they want you to rubber stamp for them? When you are clear in your own mind about what you need to change...

As my eyes fill with tears... Listening to the track that is my song of the month. [+] Thinking, what is it about the story of this tragic therapy with Kit that matters so much? So much that I have to find a way through this. In other words, where does the energy for all these words come from? The pain in my heart from the unknowing, the lack of clarity or resolution with Kit is one thing. My 'problem' with the conduct of some therapists is another. It is time for me to think clearly about my own Factor Xs.  Factor 1. 'Mrs Stable'. My first marriage was to a gentle and kind man. But his shame, secrecy, out of control spending, and OCD behaviour were too much for me. We had two small children, and his credit card repayment each month was more than the mortgage. I said that we needed therapy.  What resulted was terrible therapy - from a highly qualified psychotherapist.  I'm not sure now that is the case - but esteemed yes, and in private practice.  My husband wou...

Every so often I think that writing this blog is cowardly! Then I think I should make a complaint to his ethical body. That I should step forward and see how the judgment goes.  Then I remember exactly why I'm not doing that, and why it can't happen. Denial works, it blocks resolution. It freezes repair. It keeps the anger going... And then I start to ask, what needs to happen? The answer is simple really,  I need to receive an apology.  I certainly deserve one. When I feel that I am being cowardly, I read his published articles. They don't provide any definitive way to identify the factor X, that led to his robust denial process but there are enough of his statements (things he said to me), expressed through his fictional case study characters, enough to diagnose an underlying misogyny.  Denial has become one of my favourite subjects as a result of my experiences with Kit - so let's have a brief run through of how denial is used. Person A tells person B that when B...

This was probably during our third or fourth session? I was feeling shame, humiliation, loneliness, and betrayal. Talking about my husband's choices. As the penny dropped, and Kit realised what had been happening in my life - his response, was "f*** me!" and to mime falling off his chair.  You know what?  It was probably supposed to be a comedy moment. Perhaps. It sounded like outrage... It looked like outrage. And I was grateful. In retrospect this is another of those moments, similar to when he called me a minx. And both times his misaligned responses really had an effect on me. This one, Kit's explosive expletive - it felt personal. It felt as if it was about Kit, judging my husband. And I felt the sweet sensation of being validated. A part of me was saying, 'yes it really was that bad, thank you for getting it!'  But you know?   I don't think he did . The Brian Thorne uproar gives the clue.  It was all about professional boundaries.    Had to writ...

I began this blog with the intention of making sense sense of what had happened to me during therapy. I listened to all my sessions - which I'd recorded - and I set about publishing the transcripts here, when the therapist - Kit - refused to acknowledge that what had happened during therapy, though no rules were broken, though he had done nothing wrong, had nevertheless left me feeling suicidal. Underlying this is my question; what makes rules that are maintained to 'protect' the client, be so damaging? In October 2023 I decided to take this a whole step further - I set out my intention to explore the role of Eros in therapy, and more importantly how therapists can navigate their own fears and sense of vulnerability when Eros becomes the third party in the therapy session. The question now turns towards power dynamics, how can a client - who already feels vulnerable, recovering from horrible life events, unsure of themselves, identity already damaged - raise their fears and...