The 3lack 3ox.

For my experience of coercive control, please follow this link. It is a beautiful day outside! A blue sky, warm, peaceful. But I've spent the morning brushing up on domestic abuse. In particular, the subject of coercive control. This might seem a long way away from Eros in Therapy', unfortunately I don't see distance enough! During my four thousand pounds worth of therapy, Kit was oblivious - as far as I can tell - to the concept of interpersonal trauma. And I've come to see that there is a problem if a therapist focuses only on developmental issues. By not dealing with the problem of the present, the therapist can inadvertently perpetrate a particularly insidious version of victim blaming.  So, what is the reparative relationship: "The developmentally needed or reparative relationship is an intentional provision by the psychotherapist of a corrective, reparative, or replenishing relationship or action where the original parenting was deficient, abusive or overprot...

 A quick recap: The person using denial will create an altered reality.  It will be an interlocking web of denial statements and narratives.  They will import reasonable arguments to support their unreason.  They will use deception. They will re-frame using kindly terms for cruel words or actions.  And they will tell you again and again how nice and reasonable they are being... My advice - to myself - go re-read Marshall Rosenburg's book: Non-Violent Communication and remember, judgments of others point to one's own un-met needs.  So, take into account what is going on inside you. But don't do this to dismiss your intuition, gut feelings or fear. Problem.   So, imagine that you are in a situation that isn't OK.  Antidote . Make notes. Make recordings. The purpose of notes and recordings is to raise your awareness. Incidentally, what is it that they want you to rubber stamp for them? When you are clear in your own mind about what you need to change...

As my eyes fill with tears... Listening to the track that is my song of the month. [+] Thinking, what is it about the story of this tragic therapy with Kit that matters so much? So much that I have to find a way through this. In other words, where does the energy for all these words come from? The pain in my heart from the unknowing, the lack of clarity or resolution with Kit is one thing. My 'problem' with the conduct of some therapists is another. It is time for me to think clearly about my own Factor Xs.  Factor 1. 'Mrs Stable'. My first marriage was to a gentle and kind man. But his shame, secrecy, out of control spending, and OCD behaviour were too much for me. We had two small children, and his credit card repayment each month was more than the mortgage. I said that we needed therapy.  What resulted was terrible therapy - from a highly qualified psychotherapist.  I'm not sure now that is the case - but esteemed yes, and in private practice.  My husband wou...

Every so often I think that writing this blog is cowardly! Then I think I should make a complaint to his ethical body. That I should step forward and see how the judgment goes. But then I remember exactly why it is I'm not doing that, and why it can't happen. Denial works, it blocks resolution. It freezes repair. It keeps the anger going... And then I start to ask, what needs to happen instead? And it is simple really,  I would like to receive an apology.  I certainly deserve one. When I feel that I am being cowardly, I read his published articles. They don't provide any definitive way to identify the factor X, that led to his robust denial process but there are enough of his statements (things he said to me), expressed through his fictional case study characters, to remind me of the underlying misogyny.  Denial has become one of my favourite subjects as a result of my experiences with Kit - so let's have a brief run through of how denial is used. Person A tells person...

This was probably during our third or fourth session? I was feeling shame, humiliation, loneliness, and betrayal. Talking about my husband's choices. As the penny dropped, and Kit realised what had been happening in my life - his response, was "f*** me!" and to mime falling off his chair.  You know what?  It was probably supposed to be a comedy moment. Perhaps. It sounded like outrage... It looked like outrage. And I was grateful. In retrospect this is another of those moments, similar to when he called me a minx. And both times his misaligned responses really had an effect on me. This one, Kit's explosive expletive - it felt personal. It felt as if it was about Kit, judging my husband. And I felt the sweet sensation of being validated. A part of me was saying, 'yes it really was that bad, thank you for getting it!'  But you know?   I don't think he did . The Brian Thorne uproar gives the clue.  It was all about professional boundaries.    Had to writ...

I began this blog with the intention of making sense sense of what had happened to me during therapy. I listened to all my sessions - which I'd recorded - and I set about publishing the transcripts here, when the therapist - Kit - refused to acknowledge that what had happened during therapy, though no rules were broken, though he had done nothing wrong, had nevertheless left me feeling suicidal. Underlying this is my question; what makes rules that are maintained to 'protect' the client, be so damaging? In October 2023 I decided to take this a whole step further - I set out my intention to explore the role of Eros in therapy, and more importantly how therapists can navigate their own fears and sense of vulnerability when Eros becomes the third party in the therapy session. The question now turns towards power dynamics, how can a client - who already feels vulnerable, recovering from horrible life events, unsure of themselves, identity already damaged - raise their fears and...

Horn Ur Marken by THE JANITORS So far I have focused on spirit.. Soul is different... "From the intimate, inner and psychological point of view, the forest is the place of the soul's operations, of inner transformations and purification". Cirlot, Figuras del destino, 43. All I know is that during the year before I told him about my feelings,  I was haunted by the song at the top of this page -  And when I was thinking of asking for my session notes, I was haunted by another song. CRAWLER by IDLES Erik Davis explains the divide. By soul, I basically mean the creative imagination, that aspect of our psyches that perceives the world as an animated field of powers and images. Soul finds and loses itself in enchantment; it speaks the tongue of dream and phantasm, which should never be confused with mere fantasy. Spirit is an altogether different bird: an impersonal, incorporeal spark that seeks clarity, essence, and a blast of the absolute. Archetypal psychologist James Hill...