The 3lack 3ox.

An unsent letter... 19:29. I look at the information about how to make a complaint on the page one more time. It simply isn’t the right thing to do, it would require me to think much worse of you than I am willing to dig into. On the other hand, I am well aware of how that line of thought paralyses actions that need to be taken. Do I think that you owe me an apology? I certainly do. I don’t think you understood the potential impact of the biases you allowed to determine your responses to me, and I am willing to believe that you didn’t appreciate the damage they were doing. I don’t feel that I have any compassionate option other than to explain the effect and outcome of your view of me, and hope that you have humility enough to consider the hurt you caused. When I left your room for the last time I walked in a daze back to my car. The sun seemed distant, a watery blue moon and so cold. I drove to the supermarket car park closest to the rail tracks, the place where my son’s friend had ta...

There are many reasons why a person decides that it is better to keep silence. Dissociation is a survival mechanism .  The question, what is so dangerous about remembering and speaking out -  is hijacked by the myth of self sufficiency. We are supposed to be enough for ourselves. Distress is framed as a temporary upset. We are advised to seek therapy so that we heal and can move on - it isn't our place to try to change anything outside of ourselves... Sorry, what?! So if you see someone hitting another person repeatedly you don't need to phone for the police? You don't need to do anything except take care of you? OK... Yes, I'm struggling, for there are very good reasons why just leaving this account here, pretending it isn't me, is the safest and most sensible option.  Except  when I felt my eyes brim with tears just through reading the words, logical positivism [+] . This confirms that if something isn't faced up to, I am self abandoning , enacting somethi...

The whole thing is deceptively simple. There are three overriding issues. The first is, I trusted the therapist. I trusted that he'd follow me into my painful memories and be a calm, compassionate 'anchor' or 'bridge' between the past and present as I began the work of linking the confidence of the present (a place where I am safe) with the terror and despair of the past. So, that need in me, a need for a 'trusted companion ' was raw, a wound. I had to transform the memories or stay trapped in the hell of my son's psychosis and my husband's choice to betray our marriage. How the therapist corrupted this privileged position is recorded in this blog. Second issue, the therapist brought his personal baggage into our sessions and aimed those feelings at me, inadvertently or unconsciously or purposefully using me as an opportunity to feel 'righteous indignation '. Third issue, the ending.  My state of mind as I left the last session... This is a b...

Freeware was never the correct term. Yet the term freeware captures the sense of my intention. When I finally found enough courage to write to the therapist asking for some kind of resolution process (February 2024) he maintained that as he hadn't done anything unethical, there could not be a legitimate problem. He told me that I needed to 'let it go'. I said that unless there was a resolution process the whole thing would be 'freeware'. In retrospect, this is how I let it go.  Creative Commons doesn't sound as exciting as freeware. This blog is CC, not freeware exactly, but my intention is the same. It means no copyright restriction. This story can't belong to me alone...it would live and die with me, and that wont do. As I have said elsewhere: copy and paste - this is the original.  From here on, the 3lack 3ox is Kit-less. Outcome - he now stands as a symbol for any therapist who makes it impossible for their client to understand what is occurring in th...

In interactions or performances the involved parties may be audience members and performers simultaneously; the actors usually foster impressions that reflect well upon themselves and encourage the others, by various means, to accept their preferred definition. Goffman acknowledges that when the accepted definition of the situation has been discredited, some or all of the actors may pretend that nothing has changed, provided that they find this strategy profitable to themselves or wish to keep the peace. For example, when a person attending a formal dinner—and who is certainly striving to present himself or herself positively—trips, nearby party-goers may pretend not to have seen the fumble; they assist the person in maintaining face. Goffman avers that this type of artificial, willed credulity happens on every level of social organization, from top to bottom. From Wiki Nothing new under the sun!  Trust those sociologists to have kept this as their secret (I joke). The problem is I...

  OK...so I honestly do not know where to start, because I've heard someone explain exactly what happened between Kit and I, and I feel sick and relieved, sad...but all of this, my whole blog and everything I've said. I feel like I stand at the edge of a cliff and I have to climb, not let go. The sensation of metaphorically throwing myself off is about oblivion, ending all my thoughts about this, letting go and just surrendering to a great big nothing - well that scares me more than trying to climb down. Because if I did that I'd be letting others down. The lecture has brought me to the edge! So there was a lecture about 'Erotic Transfer' from a person who had done his Masters researching how therapists understand their erotic feelings for their clients. As he explained his research and findings I felt as if I was being pulled in so many different directions; laugh or cry? I cried. He explained each stage I'd noticed about Kit's 'process' that I hav...