The 3lack 3ox.

The joy of postmodern therapy, for both clients and therapists is in how a postmodern approach gives value to inspiration, creativity and the imagination. For we seek to recast the future and the past in ways that enable, and no longer disable. For us, the concept of mental illness as a loss of contact with reality, begs the question - whose reality? And that question, because it places power at the core of diagnosis, really bothers the postmodern therapist.  My core tasks are to help my clients reclaim power, to reconstruct their identity, and to become aware of other possibilities. To do that I need to be able to merrily sidestep the knee jerk binary oppositions, and map out the power dynamics in the client's situation.  Fantasy is an intervention, the question 'what do you suppose...' is an invitation to the sandbox, to liminality, to use fantasy, to ask what if... Such questions about binary oppositions and power dynamics don't seem to bother the psychodynamic thera...

I work with people who are, more often than not, experiencing or processing coercion and terror by others. And I do this because actually, most of what therapy is, is about is this! But therapy didn't used to be about this or even for this, once upon a time people believed that there were deep and dark secrets in how they really processed information. As if there is something about them that is wrong - and this leads to concretising concepts such as 'personality disorder', and citing developmental issues, as the reason for things going wrong. It is analogous to the concept of obscuration in Buddhism, that we need purification , so that we can see clearly...It can't just be random misfortune, or someone else - because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you didn't spot the narcissist. More than once! It must be something about you... Must it? Really? As self-blame is safer, and seems kinder and more reasonable than getting mad at the randomness of th...

For my experience of coercive control, please follow this link. It is a beautiful day outside! A blue sky, warm, peaceful. But I've spent the morning brushing up on domestic abuse. In particular, the subject of coercive control. This might seem a long way away from Eros in Therapy', unfortunately I don't see distance enough! During my four thousand pounds worth of therapy, Kit was oblivious - as far as I can tell - to the concept of interpersonal trauma. And I've come to see that there is a problem if a therapist focuses only on developmental issues. By not dealing with the problem of the present, the therapist can inadvertently perpetrate a particularly insidious version of victim blaming.  So, what is the reparative relationship: "The developmentally needed or reparative relationship is an intentional provision by the psychotherapist of a corrective, reparative, or replenishing relationship or action where the original parenting was deficient, abusive or overprot...

 A quick recap: The person using denial will create an altered reality.  It will be an interlocking web of denial statements and narratives.  They will import reasonable arguments to support their unreason.  They will use deception. They will re-frame using kindly terms for cruel words or actions.  And they will tell you again and again how nice and reasonable they are being... My advice - to myself - go re-read Marshall Rosenburg's book: Non-Violent Communication and remember, judgments of others point to one's own un-met needs.  So, take into account what is going on inside you. But don't do this to dismiss your intuition, gut feelings or fear. Problem.   So, imagine that you are in a situation that isn't OK.  Antidote . Make notes. Make recordings. The purpose of notes and recordings is to raise your awareness. Incidentally, what is it that they want you to rubber stamp for them? When you are clear in your own mind about what you need to change...

As my eyes fill with tears... Listening to the track that is my song of the month. [+] Thinking, what is it about the story of this tragic therapy with Kit that matters so much? So much that I have to find a way through this. In other words, where does the energy for all these words come from? The pain in my heart from the unknowing, the lack of clarity or resolution with Kit is one thing. My 'problem' with the conduct of some therapists is another. It is time for me to think clearly about my own Factor Xs.  Factor 1. 'Mrs Stable'. My first marriage was to a gentle and kind man. But his shame, secrecy, out of control spending, and OCD behaviour were too much for me. We had two small children, and his credit card repayment each month was more than the mortgage. I said that we needed therapy.  What resulted was terrible therapy - from a highly qualified psychotherapist.  I'm not sure now that is the case - but esteemed yes, and in private practice.  My husband wou...

Every so often I think that writing this blog is cowardly! Then I think I should make a complaint to his ethical body. That I should step forward and see how the judgment goes. But then I remember exactly why it is I'm not doing that, and why it can't happen. Denial works, it blocks resolution. It freezes repair. It keeps the anger going... And then I start to ask, what needs to happen instead? And it is simple really,  I would like to receive an apology.  I certainly deserve one. When I feel that I am being cowardly, I read his published articles. They don't provide any definitive way to identify the factor X, that led to his robust denial process but there are enough of his statements (things he said to me), expressed through his fictional case study characters, to remind me of the underlying misogyny.  Denial has become one of my favourite subjects as a result of my experiences with Kit - so let's have a brief run through of how denial is used. Person A tells person...