The Corona Borealis.

He - "So, do we have part 4?" Me -  "We do!" Part 4. Above clouds, between the void of space, above the pull of earth. I am drowsy between reality and anxiety.  At times like this when I have sought the glittering edge, I’ve longed for a simple way in; the perfect drug, the perfect word, the instant translocation .... Again, I've not posted the rest here.   He - "When you are writing this, is it a stream of consciousness or.." Me - "It's a putting together of the things I think" He - "And does anything change at the end of this, do you go through the process of writing it then some new connection is made, or the satisfaction of clarity, or or what"? Me - "I enjoy writing it. Um, what's the question - what changes because I write"? He - "Or does anything change"?   Me -  "Does anything change because I write. Everything changes, but does anything change because I write. This is like you are ta...

I knock the door. Nothing happens! Feels like forever. I wait. He is making me a cup of coffee - before he opens the door.  He sees my surprise!  And says - "What, you are going to change your mind today? Well, I thought, you never say no so why did I need to wait! As I sit down I'm saying that I've had enough of writing my assignments, that I just want to be 'let off' He asks - "Is writing associated with coffee!" I reply - "No, just my sense of time has gone wrong, and I'm out of sync, things happening at a different speed..."  My voice trails away. He - "So have you finished your assignments"? Me - "Oh god, no. I wont be finished for ages yet. They are relentless, finish one, another begins" And then I'm explaining how our three years of assignments are squeezed into two years. I am exhausted, and on the verge of being insane. And I'm talking about Unit 13, counselling children and how much I dislike   Erik...

14th July 2021. Notes: A book on attachment theory glows under the afternoon sun,  by my left knee,  as I sit here on the sofa. The sun hot on my neck.  I'm so sleepy.  Monday is finally face to face, covid restrictions lifted - and I've got used to this safe distance, this abeyance, this kicking it into the long grass, this avoidance!  And I'm overstepping the mark in my own, quiet way . . But I'm still here, having stated very clearly that I am not your client - and I'm reading your  email - saying that you are so glad I have asked for the sessions to be more in line with what I need...  Genuinely I am in a fog.  If I was in your role I would ask 'my client' about her feelings  unless I didn't want to know!  OK. I'm cracking up!  And I've got to be rational, patient and strong.  And right now start practicing what I need to say.  OK, it goes like this.   I didn't realise that you mattered to me until I felt tha...