The 3lack 3ox.

"See that's what I see as a potential sticking point.  In the sense that normally in this space,  nothing is off the table  really"    [LINK] I take a miniature table from my bag - it is actually one of those plastic things you get with a pizza. and I say "There it is, there is the table". He is confused. I say, it is a symbolic table. I put it on the floor between us. I say: "There, the table has been placed - for things to be put upon", and he is still none the wiser. Me - "OK, no it is OK, I never expected you to understand it. You said something about 'not being able to put things on the table'.  He looks perplexed!  He asks, 'which table are we talking about? and I say. 'ah, it is your metaphor not mine'. He doesn't remember. I say,  "That's fine if you don't remember - but it is your metaphor - about 'not being able to put things on the table. So there is the table, to openly put things upon"...

Right now I'm in a room with the man I've told that I love, and I have no idea what he actually feels. He has not expressed his feelings about me, or about this situation.  And he is telling me that my feelings are missing!  Is there a difference in his hello? We speak in unison.  Coffee? The sound of cupboard doors, cups, the clink of the spoon. This is a strange session, I am talking about my identity. Talking about identity is what I do now (in 2024) with clients who feel that they are broken. I'm beginning to see it as vital, it is a key to restoring a sense of 'I am', because 'I can do x,y,z'. It is more than confounding the sense of ' I can't do anything ' into ' actually I can do plenty '. The question, 'tell me about you, what do you love ' often brings the answer 'I used to' - but in remembering, the past becomes present tense, the memories are breaks in the tragedy, specks of gold to be noticed and gathered. My ...

A conversation via Zoom. And so it began - very well! He told me how much he had enjoyed our conversation in the previous week, and how pleased he was to continue in this way, so pleased that I'd decided to change our contract, that I'm no longer a client - now a mentee, because to paraphrase ' these sessions could be so much more'. Well, my ideas had been crushed in the previous dialogue, for sure. But the emotional price I was paying was worth it; he had enjoyed talking to me so my skill in conversing with a person as if from within their world-view is validated! And I had learnt a lot about standard, counselling theory which would be used in writing my assignments. The cost to me, well it felt more like a challenge than actual cost. I felt as I have felt in many lectures or computer games, that I am not good enough, can't do it, I'm not clever, fast, intelligent or knowledgeable enough and should just shut up, nod my head and give in.  But I don't.  The c...