Bad therapy..

Bad therapy intrigues me at the moment. 

Because none of us want to be bad therapists, and all of us have written thousands of words describing what good therapy is, and how to provide it. And many trainee therapist have had bad therapy!

Bad therapy is a continuum, a lot of what makes it not good might seem trivial, but clients are often in an extremely vulnerable state of mind. For instance one client may love sharing the room with the therapist's dog. But not every client will want that to continue - a person who is in therapy already feeling as if their words and emotions don't count won't, can't speak up. Sensitivity to how others might feel, and being aware of the emotional tone of the other person's response and asking questions in such a way to honour feelings isn't easy. But it is our responsibility - as is challenging, but how to challenge and timing depends on the quality of trust between clients and therapist. 

When I was training one colleague had a therapist who didn't seem satisfied in each and every session until she had dug into a problem enough to cause her client to cry, the pay off for the therapist appeared to be to the client that the therapist wanted to reassure her client! Another had a therapist who would fall asleep - in session. And another spent several weeks agonising over her feelings of being side-lined by the therapist's dog on the sofa with her. As the therapist paid more attention to the dog than to her.  

There are many more examples I've heard that are worse than these.

Bad therapy can be addictive for us try harder types. But also what is bad about it may be under the radar, and unspeakable until one feels empowered to dare to be critical. 

Nevertheless it is quite depressing to realise that each of the three examples may well be continuing even now as no one brought the complaint to their therapist's attention - each of the clients just left therapy.

Bad therapy is a waste of money - unless you are going to be a therapist, for then it certainly provides useful experiences of what not to do or say. Unfortunately until you tell the therapist that these things are not what you want, you will continue to pay for something that's irritating at best, undermining and erosive at worst.

I don't believe that any therapist wants to provide bad therapy, but inadvertent mistakes become bad therapy when a therapist refuses to acknowledge their responsibility to do things differently. 

So, how would I identify bad therapy? 

Yes, it really is this simple!

When I was training our course leader used to say that after walking out of the therapy room we should 'feel wrung out'. Thought I respect her view, my aim for my clients is that they leave the room feeling lighter and with hope. 

I've used this form since level 3 so I was well aware that I should have used it after my sessions with Kit, instead I endured feeling as if I was full of broken glass. Was that me feeling 'wrung out' I wasn't sure! But if I'd used that form everything would have been well to the left of the line.

And I was there because?

Didn't like the therapist, was in love with the man.

And on that subject, not much else to be said except that I meant it when I wrote on the envelope that I didn't wish to remember our sessions. 

The physical gesture of posting his words back to him, has made a difference. 

And this blog of course - has been my processing - and is ultimately a kind of love story.