The Black Box.

26th January 2024.


It is difficult to explain how powerless I still feel about this situation. I can't think for the life of me what empowered could mean. Again I'm struck by the uselessness of understanding. I understand the reasons for the crash. Worse, I also understand what I could have done right - that is a hard thing to deal with!

I also understand the truth of the idea - that what I'm not changing I'm choosing - but empowered? 

I can't get to an understanding of that at all!

I simply don't have a clue.

Right now I'm working on The Black-Box.  As close a thing to a real black box as I can imagine, putting the pages I wrote last year together.

Does that make me feel empowered? 

No. As Huberman said, "Anxiety makes children of us all". And the number of times Kit explained to me how he would recognise and speak to the Child in his clients was a trope I always found hard to take. Not least because his responses to my emotional content, were usually intellectual. But also because this thing about the Child, has an emotional content and history of its own that I'm really not comfortable with. 

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