Brian Thorne

The 3lack 3ox contained some journal notes, all hastily written into my phone. They are now published as a page.

When I read those notes I was surprised! So it was the Brian Thorne incident that had made me seriously consider recording our sessions. I had thought it was being called a minx. I also thought that I'd recorded the 'Thorne' session. 

Now I understand why this hadn't been the case.

But way back in February 2021 when he raised an eyebrow, looking directly at me and said.......

....my response, after the rippling shock waves had passed through me and beyond, was to question and doubt  my behaviour, not his. It was the Brian Thorne disagreement four months later that actually enabled me to doubt him. At the time, or rather during that session, I was blindsided by the energy of his disagreement, I had no idea what the undercurrent had been that pulled him away from the subject of should there be or not be a governing body who decides what qualifications a person must have to be a therapist. But it felt like were were talking about something else. And I felt accused, demonized and 'put in my place'. 

I had probably said my usual, that sometimes a person needs to break rules to act with integrity, and to protect others. I was thinking of a client who has cause to go to the police, but simply can't face it...yet. And though in contracting we clearly say that sometimes we have no choice., what I do has to be in my client's best interest.

But how had we had got to that subject? 

Well Brian Thorne had made some very bold statements against what he saw as the BACP standardising training for therapists. I wasn't sure what I thought about that, but I respect Brian Thorne. How did I find myself positioned as a rule breaker from this?

I imagine he would have said something like, if you sign up for something you have to follow the rules. And this would touch a raw nerve in me for sure. In the very first therapy I had when I was married to a man so haunted by his own demons.... I'd needed to know that the therapist would listen to me before reporting my husband's behaviour, his suicide threats and much, much worse.

But the standard therapy contract had made it crystal clear to me that I would not be able to be honest with her.

As someone working in the NHS I knew what 'help' could mean, and I couldn't risk an intervention that would make things worse. What I was dealing with wasn't theoretical. I knew, after I heard that contract that I was on my own, and that it was up to me to handle the situation. Of course, every time I explain the therapy contract to clients, I remember how it had felt when I heard those words.  My experiences certainly taught me that sometimes the contract has to be dissolved for a levelling (as opposed to crossing thresholds), because if a client is unable to speak openly for fear of what might happen...the therapist is compounding and sealing the suffering - and yes - creating more trauma. Nailing down the coffin lid is also a possibility. Seriously, we have no right as therapists to increase a person's sense of isolation, powerlessness and exile..

Unfortunately my notes don't shed any more light on what actually happened in the Brian Thorne debacle.  But, on thinking about it, this understanding I have about the complexity of the world, seems to be at the core.

31st May 2021 

Him. Tight lipped - several times. Lectured at. Some disagreement about Brian Thorne but mostly I was feeling deeply, deeply hurt...Desperately got to weave something positive from the shredded mess of my heart ...

Should I be truthful, act as I feel when I next see him, as if the light has gone out of me...?

Will I have any choice? 

Will I manage to patch my delusion enough to stop me from continuing this fall?

I have to... No choice. 

Soul dismemberment and loss otherwise. 

--

At that time I really was vulnerable, that word truly expresses how much I had needed support. What ever this dispute was about I cannot actually know. I can only imply from other things he said later  'I remember when - don't know how long ago now, let's say 6 months, and you were having some problems with the ethical rules of your professional body....' 

This wasn't true at all.

Brian Thorne taught me that person centred therapy is radical and controversial, because the person-centred approach is inherently subversive! And me being me, I would have been saying to Kit that I don't allow myself the luxury of handing over responsibility for my actions to others, I don't blindly follow orders. 

How could that ever be, why was that in his view, an inflammatory stance? 

Kit's statement, 'if you have signed up to a system you either change them from within or leave' is something I totally agree with. But, there are times when this truly isn't possible, then I know that I will break rules - and the conversation afterwards will be with my supervisor!

So this theme, or rather Kit feeling entitled to grill me about my ethics, appeared in other sessions, specifically the pointless discussion about the books I'd have in my library! 

Anyway, the Brian Thorne dispute was awful - for me. But it was also bad practice, he'd created an interaction which ended with the client feeling as if their light has been blown out. 

It felt as if there was more to it - factor X -  this is why I started recording! 

Yet I wasn't sure about the rights and wrongs of recording; talk about ethical decisions!

I waited a month before recording anything.

Certainly the better option is to talk about what has happened, because ruptures are incredibly positive experiences when handled correctly!

But I'd experienced the 'rupture' process before with him in the beginning of our sessions. 

His response followed a predictable pattern.

1. I'm so sorry that you feel that way.
2. It wasn't my intention.
3. Let me explain what I meant.

So once again I'm asking myself why don't I complain, especially as I get to speak to so many people who don't. All I can say so far is, dismissing one's own authority and validity of experience is pretty normal. Especially when it feels as if the complaint process will crush us, financially, or emotionally, and not lead anywhere good.

I called myself deluded!

But at least, ultimately I trusted myself enough to set about understanding and finding out what happened next...