The 3lack 3ox.

As you may know from reading this blog, I have often felt that what happened to me in therapy has a lot in common with spiritual abuse. And recently I got involved in a case that falls into that domain. It starts with a religious expert and a wounded seeker, and I'm sorry to say that's all I can reveal. I'm not working as a therapist, only as an advisor, but the underlying confidentiality is the same. Anyway, I need to get clear in my thinking, so I'm going to revisit my theories now, because it is really important  that I understand what might be going on. So, when a religious expert, or a therapist has an all encompassing mono-theory (a mono-theory is one that provides a rigid framework to explain and describe problems and their causes) and they have a desire to nurture - at the moment I think this *desire to nurture* might be a critical factor? -  this situation isn't necessarily going to lead to an abusive relationship. But there may well be, or perhaps there m...

Power and hypnosis belong together .  Hypnosis is so often described as a trance state, or as something that happens to someone else. It has a comedic and uncanny aspect. Meanwhile hypnosis seeps like a fog over the boundaries of normal, allowing the realms of shaman and manipulator, to merge and submerge everyday reality. Is it true to say that power works through hypnosis? Is it true that for hypnosis to occur, power must be given away?  Subspace was certainly a hypnotic state, and it required nothing except the surrender of self... So, how true is it to say that power is at the heart of hypnosis, and that power works through hypnosis? And in terms of therapy?  We use or abuse, or ignore power at our peril!  Because a person with power has the ability to seriously elevate or destroy your day, your life, your ability to ever be powerful in your own right; to be heard... What part does this phenomenon called hypnosis, play within power dynamics? I'm thinking that hyp...

The 23rd of May has been an an overly significant date, too many times! Without doubt memory is the key to trauma and I'm really grateful for the EMDR I received over a year ago now. The trigger memory for treatment was the sound of the gate and my husband standing there. Waves of disapproval rolling off him, telling me I should not be burning things in the garden...who later that night would be tricked into going round to her house.  Where her husband was waiting... His car was a write off afterwards.  The photo reminds me of how much better I felt. Gaslighting ended. The earth was the earth once more, the sky only sky... Truth, even the worst truth is so much better than lies. But the 23rd. Between the garden gate and the car, there is the tree. The memory joins and flows into the feeling of walking out of Kit's room for the last time on the 23rd. The end, Muxia...too close. No smashed car moment, no sense of finally getting the truth. As I sat by the tree, as I walked away ...

 "I am the slaughter at your altar. That's where my need for you begins..." M. Gira. The Beggar.  "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about my principles, my ethical rule, that once a client always a client because you never know what the future is going to bring, and people do come back" I could not understand for the life of me why Kit thought I'd ever return as a client? But then... he wasn't 'talking about me '.  Whilst at the same moment, talking to me  This erasure, this double bind, this? Well what on earth is it when a person uses the term 'you' and then makes clear that they don't mean you? Anyway! This led to me feeling so utterly rejected, disliked even. I'd dismiss it as utter ignorance on the part of the speaker...but, he is a therapist. and he doesn't think there is any need for apology. or reparation, so? So I blog. It was such a corrosive poison that it has taken - I was about to say, it has taken th...

The joy of postmodern therapy, for both clients and therapists is in how a postmodern approach gives value to inspiration, creativity and the imagination. For we seek to recast the future and the past in ways that enable, and no longer disable. For us, the concept of mental illness as a loss of contact with reality , begs the question - whose reality? And that question has to be asked, because it places power at the core of diagnosis. If reality is to a large extent constructed, and if people arrive with different versions of reality, and if someone imposes their version of reality over the other person's...things like this really bother postmodern therapists. Because we are of course, seeking to enable our clients to transform their view of reality.  One of my core tasks is to help my clients reclaim power, to reconstruct their identity, and to become aware of other possibilities - their power to make changes. To do this I need to merrily sidestep the knee jerk conclusions based...

I work with people who are, more often than not, experiencing or processing coercion and terror caused by others. And I do this because actually, this underlies most of why people arrive for therapy! But therapy didn't used to be about this or even for this, once upon a time people believed that there were deep and dark secrets in how they really processed information. As if there is something about them that is wrong - and this remains to concretising concepts such as 'personality disorder', and citing developmental issues as the reason for things going wrong. This almost original sin , is closer to the concept of obscuration in Buddhism; leading to a feeling that we need purification , to enable us to see clearly. Somehow the real randomness of this world has gone missing from reality. The truth is it can be a random misfortune, and it can be because of someone else's actions. And it is impossible that you will always be in the right place at the right time. It is a...

For my experience of coercive control, please follow this link. It is a beautiful day outside! A blue sky, warm, peaceful. But I've spent the morning brushing up on domestic abuse. In particular, the subject of coercive control. This might seem a long way away from Eros in Therapy', unfortunately I don't see distance enough! During my four thousand pounds worth of therapy, Kit was oblivious - as far as I can tell - to the concept of interpersonal trauma. And I've come to see that there is a problem if a therapist focuses only on developmental issues. By not dealing with the problem of the present, the therapist can inadvertently perpetrate a particularly insidious version of victim blaming.  So, what is the reparative relationship: "The developmentally needed or reparative relationship is an intentional provision by the psychotherapist of a corrective, reparative, or replenishing relationship or action where the original parenting was deficient, abusive or overprot...