The 3lack 3ox.

 Part 1 Jung was a very long time ago for me. When I was in my teens I read through every book written by him that I could find. And when I went to study psychology, I was interviewed for my place, by a behaviourist who said, 'Jung, a bit of a mystic!' As most of my reading at that time was about mythology, alchemy and witchcraft, Jung obviously didn't strike me as being weird on any level. He represented a different way of seeing - call it mystic if you will -  a richer, more alive way of viewing the universe/multiverse and understanding how we create reality from reality... In the 1990's I gave up all pretence of being un-mystic and set out to study Tibetan Buddhism, and on stepping backwards through time - as one does if one takes Tibetan Buddhism seriously - I shifted my thinking out of a 20th century education in science, into an 11th century view that corresponds very neatly with both contemporary esoteric concepts, and the Platonic version of perceived reality as...

I was reading posts in a discussion about erotic transfer where someone suggested that it would be wholly unethical to continue with therapy sessions once a person discloses their feelings for the therapist, for the following reasons: A possibility of an unintentional leveraging of the client's emotions to elicit compliance. The client wont engage in therapeutic exploration. The client will keep presenting the same problem and not make any change. Underpinning 2 and 3, it was suggested that the client may be delusional. That the client might be 'deep in the fantasy' and 'their psychosis' might need to be treated by a psychiatrist. I understand exactly why therapy should end if a client doesn't wish to use the feelings as part of therapy. But ending therapy with nothing in place is cruel. To be honest I'm appalled that anyone would consider it ethical, better by far to negotiate a re-contracting. Regardless of how deep a person is into 'the fantasy', ...

It is beginning to occur to me again, as I write this blog, that there is quite a lot of difference in my mind at least, between the vanilla and non-vanilla world; it prevented me being able to explain exactly to Kit why my husband's choice to be in a relationship with someone else wasn't the problem. My husband broke our contract for a contracted 'non-monogamy'. And that certainly was a problem! It had felt like an act of deliberate violence to our partnership. Open communication between us after this was never going to be easy.  But, I'd promised... When I first spoke to Kit, I couldn't explain what happened from the the non-vanilla perspective. Nor could I easily identify with that role. I had told myself that I'd failed as a submissive, and that no one vanilla understands submission.  And what has my submissive past got to do with Kit? I'd been open with my first therapist when I'd thought that I'd broken my contract - I'd been hit too ha...

The 3lack 3ox contained some journal notes, all hastily written into my phone. They are now published as a page. When I read those notes I was surprised! So it was the Brian Thorne incident that had made me seriously consider recording our sessions. I had thought it was being called a minx. I also thought that I'd recorded the 'Thorne' session.  Now I understand why this hadn't been the case. But way back in February 2021 when he raised an eyebrow, looking directly at me and said....... ....my response, after the rippling shock waves had passed through me and beyond, was to question and doubt   my behaviour , not his. It was the Brian Thorne disagreement four months later that actually enabled me to doubt him . At the time, or rather during that session, I was blindsided by the energy of his disagreement, I had no idea what the undercurrent had been that pulled him away from the subject of should there be or not be a governing body who decides what qualifications a per...

Another therapist was telling me about her experience of Eros in the room. Neither she or the client spoke about it. It was only an undercurrent - not yet an undertow. And once this dynamic had started, therapy was ended very soon, by the client. No disclosure, nothing ever said. A year later my colleague is still wondering about herself, about what she really felt, and about the client. A sense that possibly she, my colleague ruined the therapy, hangs over the conversation we had about it. My colleague blames herself. I don't think she has any reason to. We live and learn. Eros in therapy isn't simple.  Both people in my colleague's session probably wanted to know -  what is happening here and now, in this room? ' And some therapists would use those words. When Kit asked me I answered him at the same level with.  'What's happening? Two people, drinking coffee'.   I answered the question he asked, not the one he wanted the answer to. For all sorts of reasons...

The 3lack 3ox is full of recordings - and the content is being released into the public domain. GDPR laws mean that the original transcripts containing Kit’s words have been scheduled for publishing. I've listened to my fears. I've cast the original, and whole posts over into 2065 / 2066 , they have been scheduled to post forty years in the future. Both Kit and I will be dead by then, I'm pretty sure of that! I guess we are both in our 60s now. It has taken me all day - to hastily edit all the transcripts - I am completely drained, listening to Swans - The Seer - on repeat! It has made me cry to do this. The being dead part, is hard. The lunacy of this situation too. But, there are some positives to this massacre of the posts - the edited transcripts are all online. Primarily it now means that what I write is all me as far as a reader is concerned. That I can tell the story entirely from my own point of view. The actual dialogue in the future posts - gives the reader a fla...

I'm on the bus in an hour. Back to work in a town famed for its connections with racism after a week off. The charity I'm working for is like a beacon of kindness, and tolerance, in a sea of bullying that seems to start with teachers in the schools, and ends up as kids too scared to leave their homes, terrified of other kids, talking to a counsellor on the phone.  Of course, the teachers and parents are bullied too - then what goes around comes around, it isn't good.  I don't even think it is racism in particular, as the population is monochrome...its a culture, a part of this town. I am actually quite wary when leaving work in the evening. I guess our liberal attitudes to race, gender and sexuality are tolerated because we hand out free condoms? Everyone understands condoms. When I took the bus the other way to the city, many clients were like the kids in the small town; unable to leave the house, feeling bullied at work. Usually they were on their second round of doct...