The 3lack 3ox.

The 3lack 3ox contained some journal notes, all hastily written into my phone. They are now published as a page. So it was the Brian Thorne incident that made me seriously consider recording our sessions. I had thought it was being called a minx. But way back in February 2021 my response to it, had been to question my behaviour , not his. It was the Brian Thorne disagreement that caused me to doubt him . At the time, or rather during that session, I was blindsided by the energy of his disagreement with me, because it felt like were were talking about something else. And I felt accused, demonized and 'put in my place'?  Unfortunately my notes don't shed any light on what actually happened. 31st May 2021   Him. Tight lipped - several times. Lectured at. Some disagreement about Brian Thorne but mostly I was feeling deeply, deeply hurt...Desperately got to weave something positive from the shredded mess of my heart ... Should I be truthful, act as I feel when I next see him, a...

Another therapist was telling me about her experience of Eros in the room. Neither she or the client spoke about it. It was only an undercurrent - not yet an undertow. And once this dynamic had started, therapy was ended very soon, by the client. No disclosure, nothing ever said. A year later my colleague is still wondering about herself, about what she really felt, and about the client. A sense that possibly she, my colleague ruined the therapy, hangs over the conversation we had about it. My colleague blames herself. I don't think she has any reason to. We live and learn. Eros in therapy isn't simple.  Both people in my colleague's session probably wanted to know -  what is happening here and now, in this room? ' And some therapists would use those words. When Kit asked me I answered him at the same level with.  'What's happening? Two people, drinking coffee'.   I answered the question he asked, not the one he wanted the answer to. For all sorts of reasons...

The 3lack 3ox is full of recordings - and the content is being released into the public domain. GDPR laws mean that the original transcripts containing Kit’s words have been scheduled for publishing. I've listened to my fears. I've cast the original, and whole posts over into 2065 / 2066 , they have been scheduled to post forty years in the future. Both Kit and I will be dead by then, I'm pretty sure of that! I guess we are both in our 60s now. It has taken me all day - to hastily edit all the transcripts - I am completely drained, listening to Swans - The Seer - on repeat! It has made me cry to do this. The being dead part, is hard. The lunacy of this situation too. But, there are some positives to this massacre of the posts - the edited transcripts are all online. Primarily it now means that what I write is all me as far as a reader is concerned. That I can tell the story entirely from my own point of view. The actual dialogue in the future posts - gives the reader a fla...

I'm on the bus in an hour. Back to work in a town famed for its connections with racism after a week off. The charity I'm working for is like a beacon of kindness, and tolerance, in a sea of bullying that seems to start with teachers in the schools, and ends up as kids too scared to leave their homes, terrified of other kids, talking to a counsellor on the phone.  Of course, the teachers and parents are bullied too - then what goes around comes around, it isn't good.  I don't even think it is racism in particular, as the population is monochrome...its a culture, a part of this town. I am actually quite wary when leaving work in the evening. I guess our liberal attitudes to race, gender and sexuality are tolerated because we hand out free condoms? Everyone understands condoms. When I took the bus the other way to the city, many clients were like the kids in the small town; unable to leave the house, feeling bullied at work. Usually they were on their second round of doct...

So, I've woken up in the middle of the night determined to delete this blog so many times!  Usually I revert all the posts to drafts so they will be unavailable, and then I find the courage from somewhere to un-draft them.  What causes my discomfort? There are five grave errors a therapist must not commit. To proceed in working with clients, whilst not having the skills, knowledge and character to work safely and effectively.  To fail to behave in a way that safeguards public safety and maintains confidence in the psychotherapy profession.  To be dishonest.  Behave in a way that causes harm or distress to a client.  Breach client confidentiality I'm unsure about 2. To fail to behave in a way that safeguards public safety and maintains confidence in the psychotherapy profession. I think I am highlighting a glitch in therapy, seeking out the cause and effect of factor X. I'm doing it in public because whatever factor X turns out to be, I believe such things f...

After putting the recordings of sessions through his door. After facing it (a toxic brew of loss, grief, incredulity and outrage) through transcribing the sessions, then seeking some way to sort this out before publishing - the next part of this is to distil the lessons into something useful. The next set of posts will be my exploration of ideas! So what is therapy?  Basically therapy is a conversation during which one person needing to create a better state of mind, talks with another about their state of mind, their life, their hopes and fears with a view to understanding what has happened to them, to understand their own reactions and to start to feel better. The other person, as Carl Rogers explained, is able and willing to navigate their own states of mind, to show empathy, and able to regard other people. no matter what they have done or experienced, with the utmost respect and kindness. Another level is added by Steve de Shazer - after Wittgenstein - who points out that, wit...

I think it might be important to write something about therapy, to make my bias clear. Therapy has a very strange and unscientific foundation. Traditionally our role is shaman or showman (the only real difference between the two are the cultural beliefs underpinning the performance). It was Carl Rogers - following Jung - who introduced the notion that therapy isn't complicated, that healing occurs when one person is truly hearing and accepting another, and providing a safe space for that other, to speak openly and honesty.  Certainly Jungian theory seems complicated, but underneath it all Jung honoured his patient's process. He found significance and meaning in their words, he didn't pathologize. Also, despite Jung's love of the deep, and of 'depth psychology' and though symbols can be read ontologically (by asking what category of thing is this) Jungian psychology is also epistemological. The self functions as if it is split into types of thinking (ontology / a...